fear! 2/11/09

hi everyone! i hope everyone is doing well. it is interesting when the ideas for what i will blog about pop into my head. i don't make conscious efforts throughout the day to think about what i will write, i just hope something comes about organically.

i want to start by saying that my new family of AA members is absolutely fantastic. i attended a meeting tonight at a new location and could not believe the out pouring of support and encouragement. it certainly has a profound effect on you when many people (strangers) offer their hand in friendship and support. thanks to all of you!

i titled today's blog fear because it isn't something that guides the life of alcoholics, both in recovery and still suffering, but has a daily impact on most everyone. this thought came to me tonight on my drive home when i encountered a parked police car monitoring the traffic flow. i instantly remembered what it was like for the past 10 years coming across that situation and immediately tensing with fear. fear of being pulled over and the officer realizing i was under the influence, that i had open containers, or for that part, a mixed drink in my console. that fear related to alcohol consumption had crippled me for the past 10 years. all the times of fear came rushing back to me, would they catch me drinking at work, would my loved ones find the bottles i had hid all throughout the house, the simple fear of would i make it to the liquor store before 9? the fear of running out of liquor in the middle of the night. the fear of being an alcoholic. simply seeing that parked police car triggered all of those thoughts. the fear that had consumed my life i have begun to put to rest because i'm not afraid to say i am an alcoholic. i know i am powerless over it. by admitting that and living a life of sobriety and i can begin to bury those fears that had taken over a large part of my life. alcohol was my life.

fear will continue to play a part of all of our lives. if we really take a moment to think about how much of a role fear plays in our lives it is quite amazing. our former president used fear to sell the war in iraq and our current president is using fear to help sell the stimulus package. our parents used fear to guide us. our government uses fear to make us abide by the laws. our doctors use fear to "guide" us, religious leaders use fear to motivate

what if instead of fear, we used tools such as hope, love, compassion, serenity, respect, and understanding?

of course this is a Utopian philosophy but something worth pondering i believe.

perhaps the next time we instinctively are inclined to use fear to motivate ourselves, or others we can use a different approach. LOVE, COMPASSION, SERENITY, RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING.

maybe we would be amazed at the dialogue it might open and the results it might achieve.

10 days of sobriety feels fantastic. thank you all for your support and encouragement. i described tonight that if sobriety was like a relationship, i'm in the blind dating stage, it is awkward, nerve-racking, and makes you as giddy as a young child on christmas eve. i am so excited to continue this relationship and watch it blossom into a full-fledged romance!

nj